10 things you can do for the Planet

(including ways to Reuse, Recycle, and help fight Global Warming)

10. When you take the ole' SUV out for a spin, remember to turn off the house lights

9. Tear up your old Styrofoam coffee cups, use the foam to stuff and mount the baby seal you clubbed on vacation in Alaska last summer

8. Quit funding "Big Oil", heat your house by burning lamp oil rendered from whale blubber: from the whale you harpooned vacationing in Alaska last summer

7. Burn your trash to help keep from poisoning and overusing the landfills

6. Use the landfills to keep from poisoning the air

5. Save paper: instead of buying targets, just aim for the spots on an opportunistic owl

4. Kill those who use more than the average American's share of electricity (except of course for Al Gore, he's an exception)

3. Save rubber by wearing lambskin condoms

2. When you have an "extra firm" bowel movement, save the mostly clean wad of toilet paper and use it again

1. Save gas and help cure America's obesity problem by pushing your car to the next Peace Rally, that is, if you have enough energy after eating that tofu burger